10 Reasons Why Intelligent Men Fail With Women
This is an original Article from David DeAngelo back from the early 2000s.
I've been teaching men how to become more successful with women and dating for a several years now... and one"problem scenario" just keeps coming up OVER AND OVER... and OVER
and OVER and OVER again...
...and it's actually amazes me.
I will refer to it as"The Genius Failure Paradox".
"The Genius Failure Paradox" is the trend for UNUSUALLY smart men to have quite lower levels of succeeding with women and dating.
After contemplating this specific paradox, discussing it, and working on it for an wonderful quantity of time, I'd like to share my thoughts about it with you.
I assume that if you've read this far, you then see probably yourself as smarter than the average man.
You are aware that you're a little different than jak zacząć rozmowę na tinderze other guys.
You probably realized at a young age that you saw matters differently, and thought differently than others in college...
And you have probably realized that your smart mind provides you an edge over others in many areas of life...
Your smart mind gives you a specific type of benefit that can be very, very successful in life: YOU'RE USUALLY RIGHT.
Smart people get accustomed to being"right", because they usually ARE right.
And if you're RIGHT more often than others, you can get ahead in many circumstances.
But regrettably, this smart head of yours may actually be WORSE than USELESS when it comes to a key area of life:
WOMEN AND DATING.
Incidentally, I did state WORSE than useless.
It may actually be like having a hammer when you will need to tighten a bolt. If you use the tool you've got for the job, you'll probably make the situation WORSE.
Of course, it's hard for a wise guy to even IMAGINE a situation where his smart thoughts could HURT his chances for success...
But trust me, this is one of those scenarios.
So relax, open your mind, and let me share with you the ten reasons why intelligent men fail with women... and what to do about it.
And what do most smart guys do if they encounter a situation where they are mistaken?
They find a new situation... one that fits their strength. They know they'll be right next time, so they just walk away... knowing that it will not be long before they are straight again.
(OR they let the"problem scenario" ruin them... more on that later.)
There's no quick"I am right" around the next corner to make you feel better.
It only takes"failing" with a few girls in a row for a smart guy to observe the routine... and recognize that something isn't working.
Solution? Think harder.
A clever man just assumes his logic has to be good... so he just keeps thinking harder.
However, when no success comes, it really begins
to become mentally hard.
Accepting that you are wrong is a VERY hard thing to get a"smart man".
Accepting that you are not just wrong, but you don't have any CLUE WHERE TO EVEN START is even harder.
Finally, many smart guys think of the next logical conclusion:
I'm a Wise GUY, THEREFORE IF I CAN'T Work out How TO BE SUCCESSFUL WITH WOMEN AND DATING, THEN THE PROBLEM MUST NOT BE SOLVABLE OR WORTH SOLVING.
Try that on for a self-defeating idea.
REASON #2: THEY'RE BLIND AND ARROGANT
In short, many smart men refuse to accept this a good, strong, viable response could come from someone"dumber" than them, so they discount any idea that comes from an"obviously less smart person" before trying it.
Allow me to ask you a question:
In case you were going to be walking across Africa on foot, would you rather have your guide be the guy on this world with the greatest I.Q., or even a caveman who lived a million years ago that had an I.Q. of about 50... but that climbed up being chased by lions and all kinds of creatures that wanted to eat him all his life?
It's a fascinating question.
Today, hopefully you'd like to have the guide who isn't the smartest guy around... but who's escaped out of many, many dangerous situations with deadly creatures...
But now let me ask you:
In case you'd like to learn the way to be successful with women and dating, would you take advice from a man who is not very smart, but that knows how to attract girls?
There is something about being smart that makes some guys unwilling to accept input, ideas, or instruction from anyone who is not either as smart or smarter than them.
Well, any wise GUY is able to see the folly in this specific approach... once it's analyzed carefully.
If you've been making this mistake, then you need to STOP IT.
Look about.
Learn from a few"dumb" guys... and let them teach you how to get what you REALLY want.
REASON #3: POOR SOCIAL SKILLS
It BLOWS MY MIND the number of clever men I meet that just don't GET IT when it comes to fundamental social skills.
It is as if they have logically reasoned that social abilities are for lower beings who need to play games... and not worth the time it would have to learn them.
In fact, I believe there are a whole lot of
smart guys running around this planet who don't
even have"social skills" and"be a cool guy that people like" in their"MENTAL MODEL" of what it might possibly have to be successful with women and dating.
Social skills are only that... SKILLS.
They're not social Info.
They are not social THEORIES.
They are social SKILLS.
And you also don't get them by THINKING about them. You get them GETTING them.
Great social skills are the basis for good communication with other humans... and if you do not have great social skills, you dramatically lower your chances for success with women.
REASON #4: THEY PSYCH THEMSELVES OUT
Smart men do something that fascinates the hell out of me...
They think of all the reasons why everything WON'T WORK when it comes to women and dating.
They actually figure out why what they would love to do is likely to fail...
They use their awesome creative imaginations to envision all kinds of horrible pictures and scenes... and then they use those imaginary outcomes to make negative emotions... which ultimately prevent them from having success with women and dating.
THEY DON'T EVEN TRY.
Now, if you have thought something through and think of a good reason why it would fail, it is reasonable not to do it, right?
I mean, why would you need to do things which will fail?
It is sound logic, but HORRIBLE thinking when it comes to the REAL WORLD... and success with women.
Because smart guys do not UNDERSTAND ladies, and they don't UNDERSTAND what it takes to achieve success with women, they are working with poor figures. They are wrong before they start figuring!
With your mind to develop with the reasons why things will not operate in this area of your life leads to ULTIMATE FAILURE.
You must learn how to overcome this habit if you have it.
REASON #5: THEY SEEK ONLY"INFORMATIONAL SOLUTIONS"
What does a wise guy do when he runs into a problem... or he needs to figure out something?
He appears for INFORMATION to help him resolve the problem.
MORE INFORMATION is always the answer.
Info is the friend of a smart guy.
Obtained a peculiar virus onto your computer? Just jump on the internet and search for how to remove it.
Don't know how to change the alternator in your vehicle? No prob. Simply buy the guide and turn to page 147.
Don't understand the definition of a word? Open your dictionary.
So what do smart guys do when it comes to overcoming a problem with women?
They want MORE INFORMATION.
They think the answer lies in learning just ONE MORE TECHNIQUE... or one more magic concept.
Well what if there were a situation in life where the"get more info" strategy actually made things WORSE?
How would you even know that it was making matters worse?
NowI don't want to imply that learning more about how to be successful with women isn't a good thing. It's not.
But in http://query.nytimes.com/search/sitesearch/?action=click&contentCollection®ion=TopBar&WT.nav=searchWidget&module=SearchSubmit&pgtype=Homepage#/seduction case you have a problem that is EMOTIONAL or PHYSICAL in nature, then reading five million theories on it likely isn't going to help you very much.
You need to get out in the real world and try some stuff!
You Want to look at the REAL issue... the ROOT of the problem.
When it comes to women and dating, there is a very good possibility that you have MORE than enough"data".
Smart guys often use"more information" to divert them from TAKING ACTION.
I have heard this called"Creative Avoidance".
Nod softly if you've ever figured out a creative way to avoid facing something on your life.
Great, thank you.
So what do most smart guys do when they first meet a girl?
EXACTLY!
They get into a LOGICAL CONVERSATION.
I'm shaking my head right now...
Smart guys attempt to engage women in LOGICAL conversations and interactions because that's where THEY feel comfortable... not knowing they're SHOOTING THELSEVES IN THE FOOT by doing it!
Get this: A monkey sitting at a typewriter will type the collected works of Shakespeare until you will make a woman feel ATTRACTION for you by engaging her in logical conversation.
If you start a logical conversation with a woman you have just met, you are essentially taking out a NEON SIGN that says"I don't get it when it comes to women" and putting it on your head.
Typical"logical" conversations include things like speaking about work, family, faculty, and jobs... discussing politics, religion, weather... and anything that has to do with mathematics, science, or INTELLIGENCE.
On the other hand, if you start talking to some girl and you say"OK, so tell me something... Why is it that most girls say that they want candy, nice guys... but they date sexy, egotistical bad boys?" (and then make fun of any response she gives) you are with an EMOTIONAL conversation.
In case you don't understand what I'm talking about, keep reading. You want more help than I thought.
If you're taking an examination, you could sit there and work out the responses.
When you have a math problem, you can work on it till you've figured out it.
If you are attempting to fix something, you can keep working on it till it is fixed.
Smart guys are utilized to having the ability to take at least a LITTLE bit of time to prepare and show off their"good sides" in many scenarios.
Not so with women...
in case you don't know what to do in each step along the way, you'll be shut down very quickly.
Women have an AMAZING"He doesn't get it" radar system.
Women have all types of subtle and ingenious tests that they throw men to separate the"get its" from the"do not get its".
And if you don't get it, then you're going to fail one of these tests speedily.
But the worst part is you won't ever KNOW you were being tested... OR that you failed.
Smart men aren't used to dealing with complex EMOTIONAL and COMMUNICATION battles in the moment... and particularly the"women and dating" type.
One of they keys to becoming more successful with women and dating is learning to handle all of the evaluations that women throw at you effortlessly.
However, before you can learn to deal with the evaluations, you must first learn how to communicate on an emotional level, the way to demonstrate that you have fundamental social skills, and the best way to keep your cool in the present time.
Two ) Learn about her favorite travel destination so you could talk about it with her.
OK, time's up.
I already mentioned that this is a TRICK question.
But WHY?
I mean, why WOULDN'T you wish to show up with her favorite flowers?
Why WOULDN'T you wish to talk about her favorite places to travel?
Why WOULDN'T you wish to take her to eat her favorite foods so she enjoyed herself?
Move with me here...
Smart guys believe that they're being CLEVER if they do things like buying a woman her favorite flowers... and bringing them into the FIRST DATE.
Right?
In their minds, they are thinking"I will be the man who's thinking ahead... and I will appear with all the flowers that I KNOW she loves... and she is going to see them like me because of it".
Makes sense... good math, right?
Well the sole teensy-weensy error these"smart" men make isn't realizing that it doesn't actually take a wise person to think in this way!
Actually, ANY jackass can work out how to kiss a woman's ass.
And guess what?
WOMEN KNOW THIS!
EVERY WUSSBAG DOES THIS STUFF.
A smart man, in his proud arrogance, will think he is being such the charmer using this"thoughtful" strategy...
...and the woman he is pursuing will translate it as just another Wussy who is trying to MANIPULATE her.
Ouch.
Another blow to intellect.
Have you ever met somebody who would actually argue with you about something they knew nothing about... and make a fool of themselves because they just could not close their"smart mouths"?
Throughout the past couple of years helping men improve their success with women, I visit this one pattern over and over again...
Smart guys do not want to be"beginners" in ANYTHING.
They don't like the notion of screwing up... especially if others are watching.
They wish to keep this"smart guy" image of themselves... so they try to always be"The Expert" at whatever they do.
Rather than saying"Hey, you know what? I'm a beginner at this... how can I do it? What should I do first? What next?" ... and instead of being completely OK with screwing up, making errors, and making a fool of themselves in front of others so as to LEARN...
...they won't risk embarrassment, failure, or others thinking that they're beginners... so they end up finally FAILING.
MISTAKE #10: THEY CAN'T DEAL WITH FEAR AND OTHER EMOTIONS
A clever guy's STRENGTH is his MIND.
His WEAKNESS is often his EMOTIONS.
Smart guys are usually IMMOBILIZED by FEAR.
Entirely stopped.
FROZEN.
And because many smart guys aren't comfortable dealing with things they're not good at, they simply repress or RUN away from fear.
Many guys prefer to DIE in lonely isolation compared to acknowledge that they don't know how to deal with their emotions... or, GODFORBID, request assistance!
I know what it is like.
But the reality is that any man can learn to handle and even MASTER his feelings (even panic )... when he just takes time and effort to learn HOW to take action.
If that is you, then do yourself a big favor... take the time. Pick out the effort.
Don't worry about what anyone else thinks of you... it doesn't matter.
What's you doing the things that YOU want to do FOR YOU.
...I feel that the main reason why I'm so fascinated with"The Genius Failure Paradox" is since I have had to struggle with each of these problems for a whole lot of years of my life.
Now, I am not saying that I'm the smartest guy on the planet...
However, I don't think mamma raised no fool.
Plus it always bothered the hell out of me even though I had been so good at figuring out things, I could not figure WOMEN out.
Something tells me you understand what I am speaking about.
Well, after beating my head against the wall for a few years... trying all sorts of mad"logical" stuff... I eventually got the"bright" idea to begin studying guys who were"naturally" good with girls.
Of courseI found out you could be equally NOT SMART, and VERY SUCCESSFUL WITH WOMEN in the exact same moment.
I also heard you are able to be SMART and VERY SUCCESSFUL WITH WOMEN too.
By carefully studying what the"naturals" failed with girls... and learning how they"thought" about the subject, I began to understand that success with women wasn't entirely LOGICAL.
Much of what I heard was quite tough for me to accept... since my logical mind just didn't need to buy into it.
One thing I saw was guys pushing women away from them... and having the women then chase them in reaction.
Made no sense in any respect.
I watched men tease beautiful girls and make jokes about them to their faces... and then watched those girls become"little girls" in response... unable to keep their composure, and so unable to keep their manipulative power...
It took me quite a long time, but I continued to learn, test, and refine what I was studying until I figured out how to approach women in any circumstance... get any girl's amount I wanted anytime I wanted... date any kind of woman I wanted...
...and most importantly, knock out the"empty" feeling that I carried around my whole life because I did not know how to attract girls.
And once I got this area of my own life together, I decided to help other guys get this area of THEIR lives together.
The greatest effect of all this time, effort, and energy is that my free Secret Society Letters.
And I'd love to invite you to register.
It is completely free, there's no obligation, I will never share your email address with anybody, and you can easily remove yourself anytime with no hassles (and no, I'll never pull any of these tricks where I send you a lot of unwanted junk email when you try to remove yourself).
It is JAM PACKED with dozens and dozens of specific strategies for overcoming fear, approaching women, getting phone numbers and email address from women quickly, great inexpensive or even free date ideas, and how to take things into a"physical" level smoothly and easily.
And I will speak to you soon.